Sunday Evening

Dear Diary,

Friday morning I awoke in a fit of dreams about a workshop that I was going to teach with one of my own teachers on Saturday. I felt a little anxiety about the workshop as I was not sure that I was prepared. I wanted the students to have more then just information that they could read out of a book. I wanted them to have something that would prepare them as they grow.

The more that I tried to prepare, the more frustrated I got...finally I gave up and went through the day without caring about trying to get ready. It was not until later in the evening that I remembered I had a class and started to panic as I grabbed up books and materials for the students. As I was running around the house a small voice inside said, "relax I got it covered". Peace flooded in and all around me so I went to bed.

My dreams were fun and I had no worries. Upon awaking, I remembered I had a Workshop and worse with one of my teachers without real preparation. I again heard the small voice say, "relax, I got it covered". Again, the peace..... the workshop was starting in the early morning so I had just enough time to get dressed, but as I was leaving I heard, "did you forget this? What about that and maybe it would be good to take this." After a few years of getting in trouble when I didn't listen, I now listen!

I was early as it was 8:30am and the workshop started at 9am, so it gave me time to go over my material that I had gathered and put together. One of the things I put in the packet was an advanced meditation...and I did not know why I put it in. As I was about to tear it out the hostess showed up and we started to talk. The students who came to the workshop on Saturday were not 101 students but very advanced. Not what I had in mind to teach...

As I did the opening for the Workshop my mind was racing! "What are you going to teach!" These students are so much more advanced. Then it was my turn to speak for the next two hours... As I opened my mouth with no clue what to say...Peace moved through my whole being and the words tumbled off the tongue. It was the inner workings of energy and a little quantum physics integrated with the chakra system. When I would pause, thoughts and pictures would enter into my mind.

There was no time for me to question as the thoughts moved on through, using my own experiences to explain them. It was when someone talked about a cretin meditation they had heard of that I remembered the packet and it was the same meditation that I had thought about tearing out of the packets...."Wow" The students seemed to be engaged and learning.... I was learning that sometimes all we have to do is show up and trust....

This morning I woke up and again everyone was asleep so I lay there and went into twilight. What came were little flashes like movie clips of my past from childhood until now when I thought I was all alone. What I saw in each clip was that I wasn't alone. I was loved and surrounded even when I didn't realize it. As I came out of twilight moving more into the world of matter. I still felt a strong presence around me and a feeling of great love.